1. I have enough money to last the rest the rest of my life-- unless I buy something.
2. I've been reading about Zen-Buddhism. The state of Nirvana is where no thoughts are going through my brain. When that happened before, I thought I was having a senior moment. Turns out, now, that I am a Zen Master.
3. I don’t take drugs. For me, the morning after pill is Ibuprofen.
4. "Yippee Aye Oh Ki Yay! Roaming cross the ocean eating sixteen meals a day!"
5. I went to a German-Chinese restaurant for dinner. An hour later, I was hungry for
power.
6. Barack Obama once gave a speech in Germany and 200,000 Germans came. They were shouting so loud that France surrendered just in case.
7. The second day of a diet is always easier than the first day. By then, you are already off the diet.
8. I have flabby thighs. Fortunately, my stomach covers them.
9. If you know what will happen in the future, you have ESP. If you know what will happen in sports, you have ESPN.
10. Why is it that when a man talks sex to a woman, it’s sexual harassment? But when a woman talks sex to a man, its $6.95 for the first minute.
Brett Cave, the piano player at one of the ShowTime Entertainment segments, introduced a song by telling us that his bride-to-be recognized that he lived for his music.
She allowed him to choose the wedding music. He chose the Captain and Tennille’s song, “Love Will Keep Us Together”, for her walk down the aisle. When the music started playing, he looked at the entrance only to see his blushing bride shaking her head and shouting, “No! No! No! I’m not going to walk to that music.”
Well, she loved him enough to go through with the wedding. He told us that it was his favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite song of all time.
Later, when he started playing an Elton John song, he told us that that one was his favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite song of all time. By the time he played his first Beatles song and told us that one was his favorite, favorite, favorite, favorite song of all time, the audience was laughing and joining in on the “favorite” parts.
